Removing A Lizard

As literal as the title sounds, I'm gonna pen down my stupid behaviour of removing a house lizard - which is pretty well-nourished from its size - using a plastic container and an umbrella.

Usually lizards are rarely bold enough to come into a wide living area as they hide behind TV cabinets and the corner of cupboards, but then this long-time resident appeared near the feng shui fountain at my house and when I moved the nearby containers, it flinched but didn't run away! I thought it was weird, so I went back to have my brunch and watched "13 Going On 30" until 12.30pm.

I went back to check and it was still there at the same spot where it got frightened by me. I took an umbrella and used the tip to hit on the floor, hoping the sound would scare it and it will go back to hide. It still didn't respond... so I used a container to trap it and use the umbrella to push it out of my house and to the corridors (and kept muttering "Sorry!" when its rubbery limbs got caught under the container as I dragged it across the cement floor).

Imagine your neighbour using an umbrella to push a plastic container cautiously at the corridors... wouldn't you think she is mental? Yeah, that's what I thought when my neighbour left her house with her grandson and I just left the container right beside a drain... just in case I look like a crazy person.

I hope the lizard is alright though.

Y U NO THIS?

I thought it was a fun post to do after reading on my cousin's blog, so I shall do one myself!

I had been stuffed a durian into my mouth when I was young - don't like being forced to eat something unknown and don't like the taste of that unknown. The flesh tasted mushy, fibre-y, vomit-ish... just every undesirable sensory descriptors characterised into one fruit known as King of the Fruits. Ugh, how can they even say that? I have given this King another chance by eating durian puff when I was in primary school, then it was, like, thanks but no thanks. The texture and taste is still all wrong. I think durian is the only fruit that has more bad health effects than any other fruits?

I don't like the feeling of getting squished/grinded by random people/pervy dudes feeling up my bottom/getting sweaty and trading beads of sweat with the people around me. In fact, my first experience in a club-like place is the mosh pit during Paramore concert. Sure, I was excited that Alex paid for Dennis and me for $98 standing pen tickets to get close to Paramore. But when the opening band departed, the mosh pit squeezed from 3/4 of mosh pit to half of the pit; imagine that. I was being pushed 2-3m away from Dennis and Alex was (happily) being pushed to a far corner near the stage by the crowd. Imagine my delight when I found Dennis standing at the empty area back of the crowd, where I can get aircon and not being pushed around during "Ignorance". With that, I conclude why I don't go to clubs.

Stop saying I am skinny, I am normal sized! In fact, I am putting on weight - not to be bragging - but the fatty areas are not seen 'cos they are all at my tummy. Put me on the weighing scale and see how much I weigh and you will be shocked. I get comments like "You look 45kg!" or "You look like 50kg!". Puh-leese, I weigh a stone more than that alright! I can see my weight jumping 2kg by 2kg as my jeans size increase with an additional muffin top. Gosh, I hate muffin tops!

People find drinking alcohol is to savour while chatting with friends, having a good time. But my life objective about food is that once it is placed in front of me, my mission is to finish it. After finishing, I would have to focus on chatting with my friends. So I don't find drinking alcohol to be cool at all, especially the vomiting and disorientation as your friends carry you to walk. It's not cool at all. Yes, I have a limit because I don't want to reek of alcohol. In fact, I drink on rare occasions, like barbecue and celebratory events or night out with friends, but it's just a cup and that's all. Nothing more than that because I don't like red face + bloodshot eyes + disorientation. Thank you

When there's a perfectly good reason to dress nice to school such as friend's birthday dinner after school, I will wear nicely. If I am in the best of mood, I will wear nicely. Other than that, I will dress in Threadless t-shirt, berms or shorts, slippers and my denim Zara bag. My Mom says I look like I'm heading to the factory to work, but what's there to flaunt about in school? I gotta admit that when I dress nice to school, I don't feel comfortable because I have to wear the outfit WHOLE DAY. By the time school ends, my make-up would have melted; I would have been pespiring; my perfume would have been diminished; hence I would have to go through the trouble of bringing all these stuff to replenish what I have lost, before heading to meet my friends.

New Weaknesses

Scrapbooking papers are my new weakness.

I passed by a scrapbooking stall at flea market today and all I saw was "OMG Buy 5 get 1 free" and I contemplated a while... until my boy saw that look on my face and he egged me to take my time to choose the designs I want while he patiently waits beside me to collect the pieces I have chosen.

Oh gosh, how much I love him.

The worst part of liking scrapbooking papers are that I love both sides of the paper and want to use both full areas but I can't bear to bring myself to... so I have to buy two copies. But heh! Who cares, the more papers I collect, the happier I am~

Another weakness I discovered is Marche bakery items. The foods are so big and fluffy and yummy and filling and heavenly! But I always missed out the donuts with fillings :( Who cares, as long as I have my apple and raisin snail buns and donuts coated with icing, I'm a happy kid!

Four Minutes of Calm

Two Decades Old

Often I've been part of the crowd that does surprises and love to see the reaction of birthday guy or girl when we pop out of the blue and shout "Happy birthday!". Yesterday it was my turn to be the birthday girl and boy, I almost though the surprise and the big group of people seated together were the friends of a couple walking ahead of us up the staircase.

So my day started out by meeting 大肥 at White Sands as I was lugging a big bag of clothes to change for staying over. Something tells me it isn't normal to see him hiding his right hand behind his back... I thought, hmm maybe another gold wire bookmark or a birthday card? But nope, he fished out a small bouquet of yellow and orange tinted tulips and smiled from ear to ear.

I believe my reaction was rather underwhelming cos I choked out "Wow... okay" as I took over the bouquet. I mean, don't blame me, I'm not a fan of receiving flowers everyday like how guys believe girls would like. Yes, receiving flowers are very sweet because not many people does this nowadays and can you believe the price of a small bouquet these days? I'd rather my boy spend his money on something more practical (like feeding my tummy... muahahaha!) but the thought of him spending a little fortune to get a classic bouquet is heart-warming. I had to comfort him repeatedly due to my underwhelmed response.

He told me that when he asked the florist for tulips to be given to me, the florist replied,

"Boy, buy rose la! Cheaper and romantic. Tulips (are) expensive you know."

But he went ahead with my favourite tulips. Don't hate on me but I feel roses are over-rated - I rather get something like tulips or sunflowers (those singular ones with a big stalk). We had Pepper Lunch for brunch (yes... despite my cough) and I was reminded by him to carry this bouquet wherever I go. Then we went back to settle down at his house and lazed around to watch TV until it was time to wash up and get ready to celebrate my birthday by having dinner at The Loft!

Gigantic phone which has all of his attention

Yes! Unglam/fatty shot!

Fattest period of our lives

Honestly I wasn't expecting much for my birthday every year because it feels like passing another day and I don't feel like there is a spotlight shining on me wherever I go. Birthdays are special days whereby I could treat myself by retail therapy and indulge in sinful foods despite my weak immune system. So I thought, hey, my boyfriend had made plans to eat at this posh-looking place and spending my special day with him at his house cuddling and being cosy doesn't seem so bad afterall.

I asked if he had made reservations and he said the place isn't packed so there is no need for reservations, then again I thought "hmm why wouldn't a restaurant be packed on a Saturday and considering it is located at an atas area?". Anyway, my suspicions were quickly erased once I walked up the stairs and heard a loud

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~

I got shocked for a moment and thought it was for the couple walking in front of us... until I saw Cheryl's wide grin. And~ as usual I teared up a little and was so glad that all of them are here. We quickly placed our orders and halfway through the dinner, Sophia and Cheryl felt their food was undercooked... it was either too mushy or the pasta wasn't as al dente was expected. In overall I'd say the pork rack, fish & chips and mushroom tarts were the better ones in the menu.

Pork Rack

Grilled Chicken

Bitchy eye-roll

As we finished the dinner, Soph and Cheryl said they had to go to the toilet and left the table. After I went to the toilet I realize "Eh... didn't they say they went to the toilet but it seems like there's only one cubicle here?" I gave them the benefit of doubt that there were more toilets downstairs...

And they came up the stairs with mixed berries tart from Fruit Paradise as my birthday "cake"!

Love you guys! :*

Thank you guys for the amazing surprise and company! I treasure our friendship from the past 7 years and I know you all will be my lifelong and crazy and hyper friends :) Additionally I'm glad that Adin was roped into this birthday dinner.

To my dear who had been tolerating my nonsensical temper and always-starving tummy, 辛苦你了！You would never expect a girl at my size to have such a big appetite and you've spoiled me for good. I like that we are approaching the end of the year because the next event we are celebrating is our anniversary and your birthday. Also, you are so good as keeping my suspicions at bay while you carry out the surprise with them (you even told them I like Fruit Paradise!). Or am I just too blur to notice? Well... at least I am not paranoid!

Directions to The Loft @ Katong: It is located behind Roxy Square and next to 328 Katong Laksa

Call Center Nightmare

Count myself "lucky" to encounter two dispute calls since the start of my work 2 weeks ago. I must have been so heng to get these type of calls because they put my reasoning skills to the test and stretch my tolerance for such unreasonable customer.

So one lady called in today and I guess the only way she speaks on the phone is to yell, shout, holler, scream, whatever you can think of. She made an enquiry and a request that I could not attend to because it doesn't fit the purpose of calling this hotline and it is not my responsibility to entertain such calls, but I attended to her request out of goodwill. Yes, goodwill can kill - and I got "killed" by the customer today all because of the little angel floating at the top of my head urging me to do something nice for her.

I did whatever I could to help the lady and all she said were,

"You don't understand what I'm saying!"

"Are you stupid or what?"

"You are not answering my question!"

Tell me how to not blow my top when she only converse by shouting? Fine, I kept my cool for the first 10 minutes of the verbally and emotionally abusive call. She even asked a very stupid question like,

"How come the country code of Hong Kong is 852 - 3 digits - while Singapore one is 65 - 2 digits?"

How the fuck would I know lady? I am not the head of whichever big company that decides the country code and decides how many digits would be in the country code! So I tolerated her a while more and replied her politely that I would not know the reason for this as it had already been determined like many many years ago. 

After tolerating her nonsense and screams for the past 15 minutes for something stupid - like how I didn't read the number in one go (I mean, hey, I read out the number slowly to you to make sure that you get every damn number correct so you cannot have another chance to scold me!), I broke into sobs and it could be heard over the ultra-sensitive microphone attached to my headset. The lady apologized to me and used her age as an excuse ("I'm 55 years old and still have to work at this age. You are, what, 20 years old? I wish I was at your age working so it wouldn't be tiring"). She asked for my name and an email address that she can reach somebody because she wants to do this...

A commendation letter.

Seriously ma'am? I don't need your fucking commendation letter for all the emotional and verbal abuse you had put me through for the past 20 minutes of phone call. I know some people find 20 minutes is not long enough to count blowing your top and break into sobs but imagine a random old aunty approaches you in the MRT and start to yell at you for something you didn't do wrong... wouldn't you be furious?

I told her straight off my chest - even though I knew every call was recorded for audit purposes - that I don't want her commendation letter. Deep inside, the damage had already been done, period. I am already inconsolable and I haven't sobbed quite badly since the last time I cried at my aunty's funeral. Yeah, that's how bad my work day was during noon time. She apologized repeatedly for upsetting me and mentioned that I am "young and brave girl that could put up with her because she was so busy that she couldn't spare time to look up the company'c contact number herself". While she explained for her abusive behaviour, I would never bring myself to accept her apology by answering her. 

Now I know how verbal abuse can destroy a person emotionally and how "sorry no cure" feels like. It is like slowly hacking a tree with each abusive word and to only apologize to the tree when it topples down with no more support from the root.

Nobody should ever be a victim of verbal abuse for something that they had not done wrong because everyone must be given the same amount of respect.

Chasing or Giving Up My Dream

Two key elements you should keep in mind while reading: money and the *cough* country. These two are deciding factors who would affect me taking up a degree that I have no interest in (but still able to get a decent job to survive in THIS country), or encourage me to chase my dream goal of becoming a dietician.

We all know money makes the world go round, and this particularly applies to insanely rich teens who didn't get ideal grades to make it to local universities but able to enter universities out of Singapore. I have two friends who are going to Australia for their studies and obviously I am very happy for them, in terms that they would be able to study what they like and with passion to study getting a degree certificate won't be taxing. I know that time and time again I have been ranting continuously about how lack of money won't get my studies any further, but I still want to stress the fact that teens with average grades coming from a middle-class family won't be able to afford the overseas tuition fees... let alone the living costs!

The most (I wouldn't say "secure") "common" degrees that would probably guarantee a job for me in the harsh society would be education - that is confirmed employment but also a "last resort" to some people - human resource, business administration, tourism and nursing. The latter is a type of job that usually people, locally, look down as nurses give locals the impression that they clean up patients and serve food and tolerate all the nasty stuff coming from the patient. Most importantly, nurses are one of the few frontliners when facing an outbreak, especially the SARS outbreak, which they were very brave to put up with. This is the reason why you don't see many local nurses as their job scope are generalized into "cleaning up, face health risks, and abused by patients". So when would Singapore change the impression of nurses to those as heroic as doctors?

Getting a job in the business and tourism industry is easy, except that one has to be particularly outstanding and able to think on their feet to secure a place in the company. As a science student for the past 3 years, I have no clue on what business industry is about... however I feel that I am going to venture into human resource management due to the lack of funding for my dream degree and the unpaved road for my journey to become a dietician.

With that being said, there are two and only two ways in getting a chance to study a degree overseas: have filthy rich ancestors or parents, or being super smart and getting a scholarship.

I belong to neither category and I'm stuck in this country.

Good day.

Twisted Mind

For the past 5 years I had been a fan of sadistic, psychotic and twisted novels that my friends find it repulsive; like "Perfume", "Devil's Bones" and "Fifty Shades of Grey". They would go,

"How do you read this stuff!" or "Why do you find it interesting when it is so twisted?"

I don't know, really... I just got attracted to the plot and the mind of the character. Or perhaps it was due to my Chinese teacher who introduced "Perfume" to the class during my secondary school days that caught my attention to this genre of books/movies.

Another category of books that I love are those that involve terminal illness or any sympathetic situation that the main character lands in, like "Sister's Keeper" and "Handle With Care" and Kim Edward's "The Memory Keeper's Daughter". A few favourites from another seemingly "safe" category of books would be "Five People You Meet In Heaven" and "Dear John"... so I guess I am still a normal human being?

But where would the fun be if I were to be stereotyped as "sicko" by reading these psychotic books, in which these events would never ever happen in real life? I don't know if liking these genre of books mean that I have an inclination to be a sadist or psycho or plainly love to see tragedies (by the way I also like to read books related to war and how people managed to survive the harsh camps).

I need some personality evaluation!

Beyond Superficial Expectations

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat…

Body Insecurities

I hate how my hair is frizzy on the outside but silky smooth on the inside.

I hate how I have to deal with acne everyday while seeing girls with clear skin.

I hate how my big hips make online shopping for pants and shorts so difficult.

I hate how I have been careless with work and couldn't pay any more attention to details.

But most of all, I wouldn't say I hate my life because I have family, best boyfriend ever, friends and a super lucky life - which I have been known to get whatever I want from capsule machines and winning lucky draws (2 lucky draws so far) in my lifetime.

Everyone has insecurities, especially girls who deals with all sorts of them everyday. Yet, the most damaging type of insecurity is body image, and I stand before this topic because I am one of the victims. I know it's too much to ask for mile-long legs, toned abs, silky smooth hair, pixie face, and hourglass figure... All I want is to have a good complexion like all other girls and a tamed mane. Of course, all of these comes with a price, literally.

For the past 8 years of my life, I had been suffering from acne and refused to take photo ever since because my motto back then was: not photogenic then don't appear in photos! Acne made me feel unhygienic, plagued, outcastes and definitely insecure. Elders would ask if I had washed my face properly while my loved ones would understand and accept my face for who I am because I don't change on the inside even though my complexion resembles the surface of moon. Once I had an elder - whose complexion isn't much of a difference from moon craters - threw sarcastic remarks at my complexion about how horrible it was as compared to my cousin. My cousin defended me by saying that it is part of puberty and it is normal, but the elder just carried on like a broken recorder. That night after leaving my grandmother's house, I told my mom what happened as I broke into sobs and full blown bawl. I hated how it is genetic that my siblings, excluding my second sister which I don't know why, have struggles with acne. But It can't be helped because firstly I am a female with hormonal imbalance every month and secondly, it is genetic.

Visits to doctors were always costly; I took antibiotics at first, then switched to birth control pills which regulated my menstrual cycle and gave me flawless complexion. I had those for 9 months and felt it was time to stop as my skin had recovered; I had never felt so confident wearing tops that barred my upper back and going out bare-faced. Acne cam back again with stressful schoolwork and I had to eat those pills to keep pimples at bay... I had reached to a point whereby my temper was easily aggravated and I gained weight. What's worse was that my mom was afraid that I couldn't get pregnant in the future so I stopped eating them. My skin got well when school ended but after 3 weeks of labwork, it is back again as pimples.

All I can say is that going for regular facials and a good cleanser is important for maintaining good complexion. Not forgetting eating healthy and staying happy - it really helps! I'm not going to introduce any cleansers because I haven't found any that suit my skin in the long run but I do wanna voice out the frustrations a typical acne-suffering girl has and how you can understand my situation.

Yes, I feel pretty with makeup on but those are done to conceal my acne marks. I hate how I look after shedding makeup to look at my hideous self in the mirror... I couldn't wait to put on makeup again! It is true! However makeup only made me feel more insecure and it is like as if I am hiding behind a mask. I would feel ugly and out of place when i am surrounded by people with good complexion, therefore i felt it was a "must" to put on makeup before facing the world outside. I know people say "use makeup to enhance your beauty" but what do I have to enhance other than concealing my scars?

Mingling around with the right people is vital. I felt even more at ease when I hang out with my boyfriend and friends who don't judge me because of my complexion. The feeling of a naked face makes my mind carefree and relaxed.

Lastly, I don't know if it is just me or applicable to other girls, I tend to avoid reading blogs of models. Alright alright... It is ridiculous to compare my life to theirs but the way they show their happiness - and undoubtedly pretty faces - makes me feel that I am failing in life or lacking a lot of qualities that i could never catch up on. So I kicked the habit of reading their blogs and focus on work or studying for SAT to distract myself.

So I hope my story has helped girls out there. Remember, you are not alone and don't be afraid to show your true skin because whoever judges you for that are not worth your time. My skin hasn't recovered yet but I hope with regular facials, right cleanser, healthy diet and happy mood will improve the condition.

In Other Words...

From my experience in the past few job interviews, I came across some commonly used phrases that could have a crude and sarcastic meaning to it. So I shall start with the phrase that I heard and what I intepret.

Unleash your creativity in our shop

What I interpret: Contribute your ideas and boss earns the recognition while no pay increment for you.

Involved in production and having your say

"BKL" (bao kao liao - means you do everything even if it is out of your job scope)

Yes, we will definitely recruit you however you would start work in 3 months time

You may just wait and wait and end up with nothing, sucker!

We want to get the word out for our shop

Wants you to help them advertise for free

Besides this, there are also phrases commonly used by women that drives their man crazy, like...

I'm okay

A mild red light is flashing, so beware to ask further or keep your mouth shut because it could mean "Yeah, I'm okay. I would not think about what happened now... but maybe before I go to sleep/on the way to work/when I have time to myself and I would end up being paranoid."

I'm fine

Well this depends on the English standards that women are used to communicate with you; some people say "okay" often than "fine" and both have the same weight in meaning. However, in this case that "I'm okay" is used, "I'm fine" refers to the glaring fire engine or police cars flashing on the streets. Once she uses this phrase and you ask further, she would reply "Fine? You'd really believe I am fine with that? No, I'm not fine with it at all! Your attitude just now was horrible... I took so much time to prepare the dinner and yet you come home and said you had eaten when I told you I'd be cooking!"

Whatever

Seriously... that's stupid.

Ugh... I'm not gonna eat that; I'm on a diet

Depending on the personality of the woman - if she is headstrong then don't give her that food, but if she is one that wavers easily then just go ahead. It would usually mean "Would you spare me some fries? It would not have much effect on my weight cos I can burn it off while shopping."

Oh God she's such a bitch

It really means "I'm envious of her looks/her social circle/etc" when you see her exaggerated expression while saying this phrase. But if she looks slightly disgusted when saying that, she really hates the person but had gotten over the time when she used to spend energy to hate on them (e.g. gossip about their latest Facebook statuses, criticizing whatever they say)

How To Love A Woman

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

Annoying People

The best way to handle annoying people is to ignore whatever they do, but to start with that you've got to have a big heart. A really grudge-free heart. I have tried it before and it took me a few weeks to ignore the inconsiderate commuters and kiasu aunties on the streets. Before you know it, the light ignorance evolves into forgiving people's inconsiderate actions.

I'm not a person who is willing to take my day at a leisurely pace as it irks me to be walking so slow. That's why I can assure you that you don't not necessarily have to be a relaxed person to ignore people that gets on your nerves; just be who you are and don't "Tsk" whenever someone bump into you or step on your foot. The key point: smile.

You don't have to be so serious. When taking the public transport or seeing your friend commenting something that he feels is funny (but offending to you), take it lightheartedly. It is inevitable to see things or people you don't like, so just smile and keep quiet, but meanwhile do not bear a grudge! Do this often and you will see improvements.

If all else fails, keep repeating "Huh?" when your enemy/promoter/insurance agent bugs you. Works like a charm ;)

Little Things

After a year and still going strong, I still cannot believe we have made it this far. My friends say they are envious of us and remind me that it is rare for guys to talk about or even plan for future together - you are a rare breed my dear.

Yet, being a pessimist, I cannot help but to feel that the future is blank and impossible to plan ahead for. We chat about how many more years to walk down the aisle, how many tables we need for our banquet (heck, I have a lot of relatives) and how our future house is gonna be like. As much as I hope and wish for these to happen, I hear myself say "We'll see" because, like you, I don't like to disappoint others and giving them false hope. Well, I can say we are two pretty realistic people who do not have our heads in the clouds even with so many conversations about spending our future together until we both step into the grave.

Though I look materialistic and kept saying "Can we just spend a day snuggling together with a hot chocolate and watch movies all day long?", I really do mean it. I would choose to do simple things like your version of cooking and watching movies and laze around rather than hitting the malls, which would incur lots of monetary losses from your side. Of course I cannot laze around too much otherwise I will feel buay paiseh even if your family has considered me to be part of you guys.

Then I have come to discover that you showed the soft side of you more; you shared the same sentiments about lazing around and enjoying each other's company. Besides that, you inject sweet and heartwarming words that I can feel the sincerity in it.  Even though "love" is just a word, I can see it from your actions and improvement in expressing your thoughts.

I hope you do not mistook my words as "He is such a boring block of wood until he knows how to speak well recently" because the report and all other work is draining the energy dry from me. But I do want you to know that even if I am envious of all the lavish buys and livings of other people or other couples just by making quick remarks, I would rather keep things simple and be with you.

I love you dear.

Ever Wondered Why

Take me as a person who has a penchant for sick movies and novels that involve in the twisted minds of humans. Obviously in the "artistic" way and not gore related fun. I often wonder what is it like beyond death? Some say you go to heaven or hell depending on the amount of good or bad karma you gained through life.

Discussing about what happens or what might happen beyond death is rather useless. So let's talk about something else that is related to death: how would my loved ones react when I die? Hold on a minute because I do not have suicidal thoughts - even though I have always wondered how does it feel like to have a quick death - and did not thought about committing suicide.

So I guess I was inspired to write an entry (YAY) after listening to a song by The Band Perry "If I Die Young". It is a depressing song that I never fail to look through the lyrics again and again to comprehend what it is trying to tell us because different people decipher the lyrics differently. Additionally, I succumbed to the stress generated from doing report and presentations and possibly media interview of my FYP project.

I have always wondered how many people would attend my funeral? Out of those who attend, how many would cry for me; if so, what do they remember me for? Most importantly, how would my family and my boyfriend react? Would they be too traumatised that they don't have the strength to cry any more? And after I have passed on, would he go on with his life to find a new partner or holding a place for me in his heart?

If I wanted to choose a way to die - in which I had avoided many accidents such as taking back my slipper while jaywalking halfway - I would want to be ran over by a big truck or a speeding car; at least this way of dying is quick and easy.

Five Random Facts

1. I secretly (maybe not so discreetly) love to describe how sadistic certain movies or books are, especially to scare my friends and they want me to stop talking. Let's say it's beautifully twisted and not gory details like Saw.
2. I still have my baby bolster
3. I am super lazy when I need to shower, but when I step into the shower, I don't wanna get out.
4. In the past, I used to wish if I was born a guy and how much difference I would make to the people around me. And how I would go about wooing a girl. Hmm...
5. I often think about taking my own life because I feel like I'm a waste of space to this world and I do not contribute to the society